ALX Wrapped

For the 275th time, another year has come and gone here in our city on the banks of the Potomac. We confess that we’ve been struggling with how to look back and reflect on what amounted to a tumultuous and consequential year in Alexandria. We started off wanting to write a thoughtful and meaningful essay that grappled with what it all means, man and pointed toward some kind of collective solidarity that would carry us into 2025 and whatever fresh hell awaits us there. But then we were like, what if Spotify Wrapped but for a city! So that’s what you’re getting instead.

You’ve really got to hand it to Spotify. Less than a decade ago this annual exercise in proving your musical bonafides didn’t even exist, and now it’s so high-stakes you’ve got congressmen out here faking their lists in what we can only describe as The Most New Jersey Political Scandal Ever. But honestly, Rep. Gottheimer’s aural indiscretions illustrate a great point about this whole endeavor–no one listens to all bangers all the time! A look back on your year of listening is absolutely going to have some Tubthumping mixed in with your Taylor Swift, some Bad Company mixed in with your Bad Bunny.

With that in mind, what would a civic ALX Wrapped look like for 2024? Some stories were our bangers, some stories were our comforting old hits, and some stories were that one weird song that your kid played on your account 400 times. [Editor’s note: What the hell even is a GloRilla??].

Alexandria, it turns out you played “The Arena” a lot. Like a lot a lot. And we get it, that track was everywhere! It dropped with a launch party worthy of a world touring artist and it only got bigger from there. Did we personally care for the popular remixes “(Stop) The Arena” and “Glenn Can Sit On His Arena And Spin ft. Louise Lucas”? No, no we did not. Regardless, there’s no doubt this was the hit of the year and anything in 2025 is going to have a hard time topping the 5,023 minutes we spent on it.

It’s no surprise that “Zoning for Housing” also showed up high on our list. Despite coming out in late 2023, this bop got a second life once legal action was brought against the city. There was an outdoor listening party in Market Square and pretty much every single critic in town had to publish some version of their Pitchfork review. Arlington even had to take down their acoustic cover of “Zoning for Housing” because it turned out they didn’t get a live music performance permit first or something, but that’s ok because we weren’t listening to that here anyway.

We spent a lot of time this year revisiting the classic American songbook standard “Democracy!” putting us in the top 1% of the commonwealth. We started the year with a crowded and occasionally raucous council primary that did an admirable job engaging with many of the most substantive issues facing the city, in addition to being the tallest average council primary on record [Editor’s note: Jesse]. We had a contentious and sometimes spicy mayoral primary that hinged on the question of whether the city was on the right track, which a decisively large majority said we were. And then we answered that same question again in the same fashion in the council general election, and a city electorate that clearly prefers continuing to make progress on investment in meeting critical city needs is a great tone to head into next year on.

Despite us repeatedly telling the algorithm to stop suggesting it “JD Vance Lives Here Now” ended up getting a lot of play. Embarrassingly, we were in the top .05% of the country for this artist. But how could you avoid it! We heard it sitting in road closure traffic on our drive to school. We heard it in our living rooms at 11pm as the motorcade roared past. We saw it on signs everywhere. Plus it was so sample heavy—siren tracks from seven different artists did make it better [Editor’s note: the Capitol Park Police haven’t put out a good song since Don’t Stand So Close to (the) Me(morials), did they really need to be included?]. It was that earworm that you didn’t want to listen to in the first place but you just couldn’t stop walking around humming it no matter how much you tried.

There were a bunch of quirky off-beat singles that showed up on our list too, stuff like “Mailers” and “So Many Banks” and “Hazel the Drill” that we certainly couldn’t have expected to take up as much space in our consciousness as they did. We also spent a lot of time with the slow jam “Last Dance With Mayor Wilson” which was bittersweet but had a really great beat (especially if you blasted it as loud as you could).

So that’s ALX Wrapped for 2024. You all have great taste and we’re impressed by the number of minutes you spent streaming council meetings. Let’s do it again in a year [Editor’s note: I don’t know, we’ll see—not sure this was your best work] and let us know in the comments what was on your ALX Wrapped for 2024.

Things You May Have Missed Because You Have a Life

• After ignoring our 311 requests for months [Editor’s note: “our”?], Alexandria local government has finally joined Bluesky (along with DASH Bus and our most important institution, Port City). While we’re glad we can now communicate directly with the city on a platform that isn’t owned by a billionaire Trump sycophant, we’re still not sure why it took them so long to join the only social media community whose users seem to actually like living here.
• WUSA9 aired a short segment last week profiling our flood mitigation program. It was a great piece but we thought it was kind of weird when the city’s stormwater chief told the reporter that if these infrastructure projects don’t work out we’re all just going to have to open our mouths and drink as much rain as we can.
• The winning entries in the Alexandria holiday boat parade were announced this week. Best in Show went to a motorboat decked out as a pickup truck to express the theme “Country Christmas,” which is so conservative-coded it makes us wonder whether you all have even been paying attention to those “don’t comply in advance” warnings??

Local Discourse Power Rankings

1. Is Our Children Learning (Last week: NR). Nope.
2. Holidaze (Last week: 1). As we previewed last week the holidays are fully popping off around here. The parades and the tree lightings and the bar crawls were all great—though we do have a note for the local bar that was serving peppermint syrup in beer (the note is “please god, stop”). We’re now amidst that long slow climb to the holiday summit, this two week stretch of school recitals and concerts, office parties, neighborhood parties, and cookie exchanges. And to be clear, it’s all wonderful—it’s what makes this time of year special. But it’s also all SO MUCH. How are we supposed to be all these places at once?? And that’s to say nothing of the performance anxiety. What if you show up to the cookie exchange with the same Ina Garten shortbread cookies that someone else makes? What if your pun holiday cocktail name (Grandma Got Rum Over By A Reindeer) is the same one that Doug uses at his party?? What if Becky gets you a cocktail book making fun of the smutty elf fantasy novels you read but you can’t find a signed first edition of “87 Places to Eat Pizza in Alexandria” to get her because it’s sold out everywhere. It’s honestly all just too much pressure.
3. Here There Be Dragons (Last week: NR). It’s been a fun couple weeks for cartographical hijinks, particularly on the part of our friends at ALXnow. To be clear, Vernon and James are great guys and we’re genuinely lucky to have a local news outlet that covers the range of local goings-on at the volume that they do. We can barely get one post up every two weeks and they put up a dozen a day. So it’s with a tone of courteous respect that we ask… do you guys know where you are? Should we drop off a compass or an astrolabe or something? From tabbing Warwick Village as “Potomac West” to misidentifying the planned location of the arena to redefining the boundaries of Del Ray to include Old Town they’ve been a bit all over the map lately [*rimshot*]. But it’s not just them! There was also that viral “map” of DC and local environs that erased Arlington by indicating there was nothing between DC and Alexandria other than a bumpy wasteland you have to drive through to get from one to the other [Editor’s note: dunno, sounds pretty accurate]. All we know is that none of this would be happening if people still printed out Mapquest directions and left them folded up in your glove box.
4. For Lease Navidad (Last week: NR). Even though most of us are feeling the holiday cheer it’s been a grim week for our local businesses, as a lineup of shops and restaurants have announced that they’ll be closing by the end of the year. Hooray for Books, Firehook Bakery, Bellies & Babies, Mae’s Market and Virginia’s Darling are all shutting their doors, so we hope that none of you need to read a book to a well-dressed toddler while drinking a glass of lambrusco. Several of these closures have been chalked up to the owners’ inability to renew their lease. It’s just so frustrating—apparently we can’t negotiate a reasonable rent for beloved small businesses that have served our community for decades but we can make it work for [checks notes] Shake Shack? What are these landlords going to evict next? The apothecary museum? Yates Pizza Palace??? We’re not usually ones to believe in Chrismukkah miracles but all we want from Santa this year is a not-insane commercial real estate market that can keep our favorite local hangouts afloat.
5. You Idiots Are Doing This Road Wrong (Last week: 2). Hey ALXtra readers! Looking for an adrenaline rush?? Check out Alexandria’s streets, where dodging cars is the hottest extreme pedestrian sport! Thrill-seekers can step right up to experience the Ultimate Urban Gauntlet—our city’s most dangerous roads, as identified in Northern Virginia Families for Safe Streets’ new crash data analysis. Feel the tingle of danger as you attempt to cross Duke Street armed with nothing but your courage. Sidestep Maryland drivers speeding down Mt. Vernon Avenue with a mysterious case of sudden-onset crosswalk blindness. But wait, there’s more! Test your agility against swerving delivery trucks and for an added bonus, stretch your mental health to its breaking point by watching people testify at a city council hearing that traffic calming measures are a waste of public resources. Don’t miss this once-in-a-lifetime adventure—it just might be your last! Tickets free; medical bills sold separately.

Alexandria’s Hottest Club Is… Justin Wilson’s Roast

HELLOOOOO ALEXANDRIA!!!!!!! Chances are that if you’re reading this, you’ve had the pleasure discomfort of hearing those words screamed into a microphone loud enough to be heard three blocks away. It’s like the soundtrack to our city, alongside the dull thud of a scooter crashing into a parked car and the death squawk of an illegal backyard chicken being murdered by a fox. Joyously for our eardrums but sadly for our hearts, Sunday evening was likely the last time Justin Wilson would ever greet a crowd of people this way in his official capacity as mayor. The occasion? His farewell roast, which was held at the Above ALX rooftop space, a venue consisting exclusively of hard surfaces that allowed the event coordinators to honor Justin by ensuring that the volume inside the room would exceed 100 decibels.

All of Alexandria’s movers and shakers were there to witness the end of our Nerd Mayor era. Well, not quite everybody—some of Justin’s most outspoken critics coincidentally scheduled their own holiday gathering at the exact same time six blocks away. You know your party is a hot ticket when you get counterprogrammed by your haters!

But those who did attend enjoyed an open bar and a celebratory mood as the guests toasted either to Justin’s achievements or in some cases [Editor’s note: you know who you are] his departure. Before the roasting got underway, the crowd was treated to a photo slideshow of highlights from the outgoing mayor’s tenure including pictures of Justin riding a bulldozer through Chinquapin Park and peeking impishly out of a developer’s pocket. The room was packed to the gills—unsurprisingly, the Del Ray Mafia showed out in huge numbers to bid arrivederci to one of their own, but there was also strong representation from the Rosemont Crime Ring, the Seminary Syndicate, the Old Town Oligarchy, and the Carlyle Cosa Nostra. Many in the room were dressed festively for the occasion and even Justin decided to leave his closed-toe sandals at home.

Of course, the speakers who poked fun at the mayor brought their A-game, and Justin occasionally looked up to glance at them during short breaks from fighting with internet trolls on his phone. There was a lot of material to work with, and in fact the joke density was so high that the Coalition for a Livable Alexandria filed a lawsuit in the middle of the event to stop it from proceeding. A surprise highlight was the speech by the chair of the Fairfax County Board of Supervisors chair, who introduced a parodic resolution dragging Justin halfway across northern Virginia. It brings us no joy to acknowledge that his one-liners absolutely killed, and we renew our calls for that jurisdiction’s continuing attempts to encroach upon our shit to be firmly rebuffed.

All in all, it was a fantastic event even though no one questioned whether Justin was actually inside the building or challenged him to a fistfight to settle the matter of his whereabouts. However, the speakers did maintain our citywide tradition of blaming him for everything that has ever happened, is currently happening, or will happen in the future. Our culture is so beautiful!

It was also a reminder of how lucky we are that our mayor has a healthy sense of humor about himself and our quirky little city, as it’s easy to imagine alternative electoral scenarios in which a roast like this simply would not have been possible. We think we can safely say that everyone in attendance went home that evening feeling a little wistful that our years of being represented by the human embodiment of an Excel spreadsheet with 17 tabs have come to close, while also looking forward to what the Gaskins administration holds in store for us (Alyia crushed her speech too, a promising sign for the future of the Alexandria elected official standup comedy scene). We were only disappointed about one thing, which was that at the end of the night it still remained unclear whether Alexandria’s integrity would be returned to us now that Justin is leaving office. Guess we’ll have to wait until 2025 to find out!

Overheard in ALX

From the ACPS statement announcing the unexpected two-day closure and the end of in-person instruction for the semester at ACHS following an altercation on Wednesday:

“I, along with my cabinet, will be planning with the ACHS administration team for the next two days to devise a plan for additional measures that will be implemented when teachers and staff return.”

A few things here. One, congrats on some truly excellent word doing. We read this and immediately thought to ourselves, these are some people that know how to do words good. Two, you’re planning to devise a plan. So… you have concepts of a plan? That’s really what you’re going with here? And also your cabinet?? Weird flex at this particular juncture, but I suppose it will be helpful to have a Secretary of Homeland Security and a Secretary of Transportation to finally solve all the pervasive issues ACPS is dealing with.

One Awesome Thing in ALX

Here at ALXtra we love the holiday season for several reasons. For example, it’s the only time of year when our extravagant food and alcohol consumption habits become socially acceptable. But also, more importantly, because the winter holidays are a popular time for charitable giving. Whether it’s due to the seasonal emphasis on generosity, the spirit of giving back, the annual cultural reminder that Scrooge-like personality defects shall not be tolerated, or the need to maximize those year-end tax deductions, each December people open up their wallets to those in need. Serendipitously, the ALXtra charity fund, which is supported by our paid subscribers, has just hit $500 again! This means we get to join in the fun and make a donation on behalf of our readers to a local organization that’s helping folks here in Alexandria.

With our president-elect about to take office next month after coasting to victory on the Immigrant Scapegoating Express, we thought it would be a good time to support and amplify the work of NOVA RAFT (Resettling Afghan Families Together), a grassroots organization that provides aid to Afghan refugees living here in our city. RAFT volunteers help families get settled in their homes by providing furniture and household essentials. They help newly arrived Alexandrians access benefits, get driver’s licenses, and find jobs. Recently, RAFT volunteers have focused on helping Afghan refugees learn English through ESL classes at local rec centers and a youth programming partnership with ACPS.

Everything we read about this group’s accomplishments, like this Washington Post article from July about the work they’ve done to help students thrive, is a reminder of our shared humanity. It feels really good to make this $500 donation on behalf of our readers because we know that you, like NOVA RAFT, believe in the meaning of community and want to make this city a welcoming and supportive place for all people–a goal that will be more important than ever over the next 4 years.

Housekeeping Notes

Before we fully finish out the year, just a few housekeeping notes. We’ve had a number of new subscribers recently (welcome! and also, we’re sorry) and we wanted to remind our new and old subscribers alike that you can write us emails at the address below if you have an opinion or an idea or a take that you’d like us to consider running in the newsletter. Please write, there’s nothing you can submit that’s dumber than what we come up with ourselves.

Speaking of contributions, we’re also interested in running some freelance pieces in 2025 and we can pay you! So if you have an idea for a piece of local journalism but you haven’t been sure how you’d get it out there, drop us a line. And if you’re a graphic designer or illustrator, we’re looking to hire for that kind of work too—get in touch!

We’re back with the next issue on January 10th so until then, have a wonderful holiday filled with family and friends–and take care of yourself and those around you.

You can follow Becky @beckyhammer.bsky.social and Jesse @oconnell.bsky.social on Bluesky, or you can e-mail us anytime at alxtranewsletter@gmail.com.

ALXtra is a free-to-read newsletter about current events in Alexandria, Virginia. Subscribe to get it delivered directly to your inbox. Paid subscriptions give you access to the comments. Revenue from subscriptions gets used in the following ways: 1) a third goes into a charity fund, and every time that fund hits $500 we’ll make a donation to a local charity in the name of ALXtra’s readers and we’ll feature and write about that organization; 2) another third of the money will go toward investments in the newsletter; and 3) the final third of the money goes toward self-care for your two intrepid authors.