Drawing Boards

Here at ALXtra there’s a few questions we get asked a lot. Questions like, does Becky really hate pizza [Editor’s note: she does not], is Jesse really that tall [Editor’s note: he is], which of you is funnier and why is it Jesse [Editor’s note: no one has ever asked us that], but mostly—how does someone get more involved in Alexandria.

We really do get that last question a lot, and it’s one that we love to answer because it’s a topic that we spend a lot of time thinking about and working on. It’s funny, really, that we have developed a reputation as Local Engagement Knowers as any insight we possess is mostly a function of showing up over time and paying attention to the wide variety of ways that you can contribute to civic life here in Alexandria. And when we get this question, we typically answer by talking about the city’s boards and commissions.

This isn’t the first time we’ve covered boards and commissions in the newsletter but it is the first time we’re going to discuss them without doing jokes about how many of them there are (but seriously though, there’s so, so many of them). This time around we want to spend more time on why they matter and why you should care about them.

To overly simplify things [Editor’s note: simple would be a first for us, but sure, go on] boards and commissions are the lowest official rung of our local government. Members are appointed in nearly all cases by Council, and charged with making policy recommendations to Council (e.g., Planning or Traffic and Parking), providing analysis and advice to Council (e.g., Budget and Fiscal Affairs Advisory), or sharing feedback and input and giving direction to city staff (e.g., IT Commission). They provide an opportunity for hundreds—and in aggregate over time, thousands—of local residents to gain deeper understanding and appreciation for how our local government actually works, and to build relationships with hard-working city staff. And in all cases, our boards and commissions are a critical layer of citizen engagement and an opportunity for residents to shape the work of local government.

That last point is a key one given the persistent narrative in recent years that our local leaders are closed off to listening to the voices and perspectives of local residents. It’s simply not true that staff-directed outreach on a given project—be that online surveys, in person presentations, or yes, mailers—is the only way for people to be heard. Any issue of consequence the city takes up (and even those of no consequence!) will correlate with some board or commission’s area of responsibility. This means there are another dozen or so local representatives that you can talk to and share your ideas or concerns, another venue for diverse perspectives to be aired.

There are challenges to this model of local governance to be sure—it can be hard at times to recruit talented people to fill all these roles, and to ensure that we’re consistently drawing commission members with backgrounds that represent the full sweep of diversity and lived experiences present in the city. The nature of the commitment (evening meetings, conflicts of interest with areas of expertise) can also create barriers to participation. All of these challenges are meaningful and shouldn’t be ignored, but they are challenges that we can work to overcome with attention and intention.

Even knowing the challenges, even acknowledging the care and feeding necessary to maintain this aspect of our system of governance, it’s worth it on the simple measure [Editor’s note: see, we said it would be simple] that it’s a chance for each of us to take care of our community. It’s important during These Troubled Times to find a way to make a difference, to feel like you’re doing something to bend that arc back in the direction it’s supposed to go. Studies show that getting involved locally strengthens democracy and more than that, it’s good for you. So if you’re reading this, and you’ve been thinking about asking how you can get more involved in the city, save yourself the text or email. Vacancies for boards and commissions get posted here, and there’s no time like now to apply.

Housekeeping Note

We briefly interrupt our regularly scheduled programming with a quick update: for various logistical, ethical, and psychosexual [Editor’s note: ???] reasons we’ve decided it’s time for us to pack our digital bags and move this publication off of Substack. If all goes according to plan, this will be our final issue on this platform before we switch over to a newsletter service called Ghost. 

Both free and paid subscribers should automatically be carried over, so you won’t have to do anything to continue receiving our rantings and ravings carefully considered insights. If you typically read ALXtra via the Substack app, please look for it in your email inbox moving forward. If you already read it in your email, nothing will change! If you have questions or concerns, shoot us a note. And if we somehow fuck this up, please know that we’re very sorry and also that it’s all Becky’s fault.

Things You May Have Missed Because You Have a Life 

• Maybe we should file this under Things We Wish We Missed: flu numbers are very high in Alexandria. Ask us how we know!
• Are you looking for more reasons to be mad right now? Well here are two more: this bullshit investigation, and the fact that the ALXnow comment section has been overrun by bigots. We feel like someone should probably do something about that?
• In lighter news, a new book about DC-area music history contains some interesting ALX tidbits. For example, a drummer and former member of Gwar stage-named Hans Orifice (né Hans Sphincter) was born here, which has us wondering if we need to develop our own viscerally disgusting pseudonyms. We didn’t learn that piece of trivia from the book by the way, we got it from the “Musicians from Alexandria, Virginia” Wikipedia page, but it could be in the book! You should probably buy a copy and find out!
• Our very own sewage tunnel was recently featured in Tunnel Business Magazine, which is, like, a BFD if you’re in the tunnel biz. It’s basically the biggest honor achievable for tunnelers. Shoutout to our tunnel for continuing to crush it on the national tunnel stage.

Local Discourse Power Rankings

1. It Burns! It Burns!!! (Last week: NR). It turns out the Potomac isn’t the only thing flowing through town, if you catch our drift. The Alexandria Health Department has announced that sexually transmitted infections are significantly higher in ALX than in the rest of Virginia and uhh… happy belated Valentines Day to us? Look, we know that this city is full of overachievers who are all about preserving its historical character but we weren’t aware that that commitment extended to bringing back 18th century gonorrhea rates. Is this how all the federal workers are relieving stress? Or is this a Visit Alexandria thing? Are we trying out a new tourism slogan, “What happens in ALX, stays with you in ALX (for 7-10 days or longer if untreated)”? Either way let’s all do our part and stay safe to stop the spread. Unless you’re hooking up with one of the pardoned January 6ers who are staying in town for CPAC, in which case go ahead and let ’er rip.
2. Is Our Children Learning? (Last week: NR). Honestly… we have no fucking idea?? We’re starting to think that ACPS is less of a school system and more of a social experiment to see how far parents can be pushed before we collectively lose it. Over the last week we’ve been subjected to the following series of communications: There’s no school on February 28. Just kidding! There is school on February 28. But we might have a snow day tomorrow. [PHONE RINGING AT 6:30AM] Haha j/k again, we’re not having a snow day!!! But all after-school activities are cancelled. Wait, after-school activities aren’t cancelled, where are you all going? GUESS WHAT THERE MIGHT BE A SNOW DAY TOMORROW. NEVER MIND!!!! Jesus Christ man, whoever’s in charge of sending these missives needs to either increase or decrease the dosage of whatever medication they’re on, we don’t even care which. Just do something before we get a ParentSquare message telling us that spring break has been moved to October and school will now only be in session on alternating Tuesdays, wait we meant Thursdays. No, Tuesdays!!!
3. Unnecessarily Aggressive Weather Phenomena (Last week: NR). It’s been really cold this week. How cold, you ask? It’s so cold that the city has been grudgingly huddling up against Fairfax County to share body heat. It’s so cold that we’re calling it Alexarctica now. It’s so cold that they had to wrap the GW Masonic Memorial in a giant scarf. It’s so cold that Del Ray residents were seen warming themselves by the nearest pizza oven. It’s so cold that the Old Town ghost tours have been cancelled because even spiritual beings without physical bodies don’t want to leave the house. It’s so cold that dogs are refusing to go for walks unless they’re provided with sweaters and pants. It’s so cold that the local NIMBYs admitted they’d be okay with increased urban density if the extra buildings could block the wind. It’s so cold that we have to stop typing this now because our fingers are frozen solid, DEAR MERCIFUL GOD WILL WE EVER FEEL WARM AGAIN???
4. Shopping in the Rain (Last week: NR). If there’s one tiny sliver of common ground that emerged from the Great Arena Discourse Wars of 2023-24, it’s that Alexandrians really, really love the Potomac Yard Target. So naturally there was much distress and consternation when the store unexpectedly closed last week due to “structural integrity and safety concerns,” which we’re pretty sure is corporate-speak for “it’s actively precipitating in the shoe department.” It’s also an apt choice of words since “integrity concerns” also describes how many of us feel about the judgment on display at Target HQ recently. The roof caving in at one of its most profitable stores in the country right after the company announces that it’s ending DEI programs discrimination is cool again? METAPHOR ALERT. (By the way, did you all know that an Alexandrian started this website to track which companies are dropping their diversity programs?) We haven’t heard anything else about the ceiling situation in the last couple days, so we’re not sure if things have returned to normal or not, but just to be safe you’d better bring your umbrella the next time you need to pick up a new pair of sneakers.

Alexandria’s Hottest Club Is… Another Goddamn Parade (Rain Edition)

[Broken record voice] Hey, did you guys know that Alexandria has a lot of parades?? Yes, we know we poke fun at this tendency a lot here at ALXtra, but we promise we mean it affectionately. And also because we think it might be the sign of a deep-rooted and unresolved pageantry complex deserving of serious psychological attention. The point is, our city is so committed to the bit that we even held one of these spectacles last weekend despite the weather staging an unwanted performance of “Tomorrow Never Dries” starring Dame Judi Drench. No matter how soggy things got, we were determined not to lose what might be our last chance to celebrate the nation’s first democratically elected president while “having democratically elected presidents” is still a thing we’re doing here. Gotta peaceably assemble while it’s still allowed, right? 

Anyway, the George Washington Birthday Parade is described by its organizers as the city’s “most patriotic” parade, which is… not really the vibe, but the marchers and spectators seemed to be enjoying themselves nonetheless. Our lawyers [Editor’s note: spouses] have advised us not to say anything controversial about George himself this time around [Editor’s note: plus we already used all our material last year] so why don’t we just enjoy some pictures of people walking around in the rain like participants in some sort of colonial themed wet t-shirt contest?

First up is our Town Crier, kicking the festivities off as per usual. We can’t help but wonder: are tricorn hats waterproof? Is this a fun fashion twist on rain gear we should consider? Ben, if you’re reading this, our DMs are open.

Next up, a squadron of reenactors demonstrating how Washington led the Continental Army across the Delaware River on an electric DASH bus.

There was a great turnout by our local elected officials, but only one of them took the chance to commemorate SNL50 by performing her #1 hit “I’m on a Bike.” The first time she instructed the crowd to “take a good hard look at the [LONG BLEEPING SOUND] bike” it seemed like people were a little taken aback, but when she started showing off her cycling-themed pashmina afghan they honestly got pretty into it.

Just out of frame there’s another guy holding a sign that says “...because he didn’t have worms in his brain.”

Remember when people cared about honesty? Like, as a quality that leaders should possess? That was nice.

Last but certainly not least, this incredible float. Not many people know this, but building a spite house was actually the “destroying your rival’s career at the Super Bowl halftime show” of the 1830s.

Hope everybody had a great time out there, see you at the next parade in [checks notes] eight days!

We Get Letters

First, reader David S. writes in to supplement our One Awesome Thing write-up about Rep. Beyer:

“Don Beyer was also Lt. Governor for 8 years, but lost the election for Governor to Jim ‘No Car Tax’ Gilmore. The only election ever lost because of a yard sign.”

But David, you’re forgetting about all the “Justin’s Traffic Jam” and “Don’t Bulldoze Chinquapin Park” yard signs that led to Mayor Wilson’s crushing reelection defeat oh wait you might actually have a point here.

Next, Hallie W. writes to compliment our vocabulary:

“Thanks for using ‘fuckery’ in today’s newsletter - it’s one of my favorite words (thanks to Amy Winehouse) and I’ve been using it a lot these days. Also, I think the new VA Tech Building looks like a giant cruise ship.”

Okay, we can see the resemblance. Here’s hoping it’s significantly less likely to give you norovirus!

One Awesome Thing in ALX

Last week on Valentine’s Day, the Del Ray Business Association awarded its annual Heart of Del Ray award to Gustave (né Gustav, né Gostov) Boulangerie, a relative newcomer to the neighborhood yet one that has become quickly beloved. This is a bit of a two-handed One Awesome Thing [Editor’s note: so… Two Awesome Things? Would it be so hard to just say it that way you pedantic maniac?] in that we want to recognize both the business and the award itself.

Gustave is great because they have fully leaned into what it means to be a third place in a community, and we’d say that even if it wasn’t ALXtra’s unofficial newsroom. Their outdoor space especially has become a popular (and dog friendly) place to gather any time it’s remotely close to being warm, and clearly addressed a pent-up demand for more outdoor places to drink be social. They also deserve a lot of credit for just trying stuff until they figure out what works. Did the fenced-in dog run work out? It did not. Has it become a great outdoor bar and seating area? It has! The same is true for their outdoor games area which seems to now be Oops All Sandbox! but that’s ok too (and the littlest customers seem to love it).

And specific recognition aside, we also think it’s awesome that this award exists. Giving neighbors the chance to show appreciation for the businesses that take care of us helps to build lasting connection and community. It signals to visitors the places that take care of us, even while it also shows that we are a place that cares to begin with. And yes, this kind of recognition program isn’t necessarily unique to the DRBA but maybe we’re just thinking about it and appreciating it a little more at this moment where looking out for the people and places you care about feels more important than ever. If you know of any other neighborhood business recognition programs in Alexandria that we can highlight in future issues, let us know!

You can follow Becky @beckyhammer.bsky.social and Jesse @oconnell.bsky.social on Bluesky, or you can e-mail us anytime at alxtranewsletter@gmail.com.

ALXtra is a free-to-read newsletter about current events in Alexandria, Virginia. Subscribe to get it delivered directly to your inbox. Paid subscriptions give you access to the comments. Revenue from subscriptions gets used in the following ways: 1) a third goes into a charity fund, and every time that fund hits $500 we’ll make a donation to a local charity in the name of ALXtra’s readers and we’ll feature and write about that organization, like we did here, here, and here; 2) another third of the money will go toward investments in the newsletter; and 3) the final third of the money goes toward self-care for your two intrepid authors.