The Council You Keep

Have you heard the rumors? You probably have. It’s all anybody’s been talking about lately. The whispers in the office, the theories getting tossed around in the group chat. Everyone’s convinced there’s something big going on in the halls of power. We’re all tracking the movements of government vehicles, overanalyzing quotes in news stories, scrutinizing social media posts like arcane texts laden with hidden meaning. Well you can stop wondering, because we’re here to tell you that the rumors are true: Alexandria City Council is finally back in session next week after its summer hiatus.

This is an interesting moment to have a borderline-problematic local governance fetish be a neutral observer of Alexandria city politics, because there isn’t really one big controversial thing that everyone’s talking about, no signature marquee initiative that our leaders are splashily rolling out. We’re not zoning, we’re not redistricting. We’re not trying to build any sort of dome-shaped structure. Mayor Gaskins’ latest monthly email newsletter noted that the agenda for the first Council meeting on Tuesday will include “small business funding, changes to procurement rules to allow greater speed and flexibility for design and construction projects, and the consideration of closure of the 200 block of King Street.” Which is all good stuff! But let’s be real, nobody is running to the Potomac Yard Staples to whip up a fresh batch of yard signs about the procurement rules. It’s just not neighborhood listserv flame war material.

Of course, that’s not the standard by which a legislative agenda should be judged, and just because there are no obvious blockbuster issues on the near horizon doesn’t mean that Council won’t be tackling some very important priorities this fall. Most notably: shoring up our bulwarks against the accelerating creep of fascism. Regardless of whether the [REDACTED] does actually [REDACTED] from an acute case of swollen cankles, Alexandria’s leaders will be busy monitoring the federal government’s efforts to mulch the Constitution with a lawnmower—and while their power to stop that process is somewhat limited, we can at least feel confident that they won’t pull a Muriel Bowser and offer to help bag the clippings. Given the time and energy it’ll take the city to help Alexandrians affected by all this sinister fuckery, it makes sense that we’re focused on defense and not pushing major resource-intensive initiatives right now. Not to mention that keeping the city solvent is also a critical task in any year, but especially when federal agencies decide to play takesies-backsies with our grants, forcing some tough local budgeting decisions. 

On top of all that, there are a whole boatload of less sensational but nonetheless meaningful actions coming up on the Council docket over the next few months. The one that most closely approaches “worthy of making up a fake civic association so you can rant about it for 5 minutes instead of 3 at the public hearing,” and the inevitable subject of an essay in this publication when we eventually feel up to it, is the waterfront flood mitigation pump project. The city has postponed the decision timeline for this from September to November so it can gather more community input, so you all have a little extra time to prepare your 50,000 Scoville Heat Unit takes for deployment.

Also on our radar: a vote on the proposed updates to the Green Building Policy; collective bargaining with police, fire, and general services (it’s been three years already?!); a public art/murals policy; the deployment of a Small Area Plan interactive web tool (we’ve been told that it’s “very cool” and all you freaks are going to get urbanism boners when it launches); and continuing work on longer-term projects like Housing 2040, Duke Street in Motion, and the City Hall renovation.

Taken together, this agenda paints a picture of the Alexandria our leaders are working toward: a city that’s sustainable and resilient, welcoming, beautiful, easy to get around, financially secure, historic yet modern… Basically, we’re trying to become more like the fancy retirement home from the Thursday Murder Club. The good news is that we’re already halfway there given that the central mystery of the book/movie involves the killing of a developer, an act that certain members of our community dream about nightly.

Not only are these priorities going to help move Alexandria forward in tangible ways, they also offer us a reprieve from the endless drama of national politics through the balm of routine and mundanity—a statement that we mean in the most complimentary way possible. Good governance often isn’t about the audacious, headline-grabbing, world-changing policy overhaul that gets all your neighbors frothing at the mouth like rabid raccoons fighting over the last crumbs of organic brioche from the dumpster behind Whole Foods. More often it’s about the more modest-in-scope actions and decisions that keep the city running smoothly and give us a high quality of life while embodying our values and making steady progress on the lofty goals that animate us. 

It’s as important for us to engage on that small stuff as it is for us to yell about the big stuff. We’re fortunate that Alexandria’s leaders and public servants give us the chance to do both. So let’s look forward to a productive Council session that offers us the chance to dig in on some of our less incendiary local issues—because a bit of calm is something we could use more of in all levels of government these days.

Things You May Have Missed Because You Have a Life 

• Speaking of rabies… a fox in “Del Ray-Rosemont” (which one, WTOP??) recently tested positive for the disease. This is a good reminder that it’s important for all of us to be familiar with rabies symptoms! If a fox is acting excitable or afraid of water it could be rabid, however if it’s emitting human-like screams outside your bedroom window at 2am it’s just horny.
• Last week the ChamberALX honored their first ever 40 Over 40 class, and while the gala looked really classy it felt like a missed opportunity to just let the group play pickleball and mahjong.   
• After being rudely evicted from their purpose-built office space, it looks like the National Science Foundation will stay nearby by moving into vacant space in the PTO building. While we maintain our previous position that this entire saga is stupid and unfair [Editor’s note: working title for Woodward’s eventual book on these four years] it is also true that this is the hottest Carlyle has been since they opened Pump It Up.
• If you need to know where Jesse is having lunch today, Holy Cow’s new BOTM is the K-Pop Demon Burger.
• Just in time for the holiday season [Editor’s note: Jesus Christ, it’s September 5] you can now shop a line of shirts, stickers, and other products referencing some of our favorite ALX in-jokes and icons. Annex Shirlington merch? Shut up and take our money.

Local Discourse Power Rankings

1. Fascism (Last week: 1). Despite what Bari Weiss might tell you, there are no silver linings to living under fascism. There are however moments of inspiration and solidarity, like this past Monday’s rally in support of our neighbors in Chirlagua (covered here by Julie Carey and News4). Organized by Tenants and Workers United, Grassroots Alexandria, and other groups, the gathering saw hundreds of local residents demonstrating their opposition to ICE action in Alexandria specifically, and the rising climate of intolerance and abuse of government power more generally. Like we said in this section last week (and will likely say in this section next week) we don’t have any jokes to soften or contextualize this topic, nor would we want to. The establishment of American authoritarianism on the cracked foundation of a 250 year-old republic is a stain on all involved, and they will surely face judgement in this life or the next. In the meantime, if you missed the rally but want to support this community, you can contribute to Casa Chirilagua here or Tenants and Workers United here.
2. ARHAot Water (Last week: NR). The Greater Washington metro area is no stranger to scandals. One could in fact argue that they are our primary export product to the rest of the country. And while the dominant genres of DC scandal are typically elections, money, and sex, we’ve always been a fan of the smaller DC scandal sub-genre involving offices and housing. Remember the time that Congressman decorated his office to look like Downton Abbey? Or the time Scott Pruitt’s EPA paid for a lobbyist’s condo door after his security detail broke it down because he was napping inside? Or the time a congressman owed his landlord $85,000 in back rent? Well we can finally count a local scandal amongst this genre, as ARHA CEO Erik Johnson was recently caught living in one of the agency's own housing units. City Council demanded an investigation, and Johnson has subsequently been put on probation and replaced by an interim-CEO while the investigation takes place. Technically this scandal is also part of the classic DC scandal genre “obviously stupid action that anyone with even the tiniest amount of common sense could have avoided” but we’re not going to start listing those because we’d be here all night.
3. Garden Plot (Last week: NR). Speaking of complications with your landlord, it was reported last week that beloved Del Ray outdoor watering hole The Garden was in a right farrago with theirs. You can read all the details at the link, but the quick version is that the landlord tried to sell the tenants the land at a premium, the tenants said we’d rather just exercise our right to renew the lease, the landlord said too bad we’re listing the property for rent, and the tenants sued. Look—neither of us are real estate attorneys. But we are both experts in outdoor alcohol consumption. So our expert opinion on this case is that The Garden should continue its operations in perpetuity [gavel noise]. Bailiff, see these men out and pour us two more pilsners. Ahhhh… the scales of blind justice. Delicious, crisp, refreshing, blind justice. 
4. Frank Lloyd Wrong (Last week: NR). In an unsurprising development, the new 275-unit workforce housing proposal at the Landmark Mall site has once again unleashed Alexandria’s favorite pastime: complaining about architectural renderings like we just received our PhDs in Having Loud Opinions from NIMBY University. The Facebook commenters that aren’t busy asking “what is workforce housing” instead of just fucking googling it are accusing the building of being too big, and also ugly. Maybe we’re a couple of philistines over here but it… looks like a building? Literally just like a normal building. With a lot of apartments in it that aren’t super expensive. Is that bad??? We also were unaware that it is a symptom of totalitarian dystopia for housing to be built near people’s places of employment. Walking to your hospital job, that’s tyranny baby! Wow. We love learning new things. Being online is so educational.
5. A Birb By Any Other Name (Previous rank: 3). Listen… we don’t expect to be given credit for being the first “media” “outlet” to “report” on local trends and hot topics. Would it be nice? Yes. Would it go to our heads and make us even more insufferable than we already are? Also yes. The point is, realistically we understand that the Zebra isn’t going to give us any sort of hat tip when they run an article about the fancy pigeon at the King Street Amtrak station, whom we discussed way back on August 1. But to then turn around and try to TELL US that the PIGEON’S NAME is GREGORY??? This is deeply upsetting. We, and our various associates, have been referring to this bird by other nomenclature for over a month now. Sir Alex, for example. Also, Pickles. We’re not saying that Pickles is a better name for the bird than Gregory, only that we would have liked a heads up that we were getting attached to monikers that we’re now being told are incorrect. Has anyone asked the bird how he feels about this? Doesn’t anyone think the fancy pigeon should get to decide what his own name is?? Forget apartment buildings next to hospitals, THIS is tyranny!!!!

Alexandria’s Hottest Club Is… Continues Arcade

Most issues, the notion of a hottest club in Alexandria is an entirely metaphorical construction. A state of mind if you will, a vibe check on the prevailing zeitgeist around these parts. On occasion though the hottest club is quite literally a hottest club, as is the case this week with Continues Arcade. We have genuinely lost track of how many social media posts we’ve seen of people hanging out at this place or texting us to say they’ve been there and had a blast. So at the risk of engaging in some actual journalism [Editor’s note: not actual journalism] we swung past to check it out so we could give you, our dear readers, a peak inside. A review in short: the selection of games is incredible, the space is comfortable and perfect for a group outing, and the menu and drinks look strong to quite strong. Take a look:

Overheard in ALX

From the city’s Bluesky:

“It's National Preparedness Month, the perfect time to think about how you'd respond in a disaster like a hurricane, flood, or the (extremely unlikely) event of a lion takeover. Find out more at Ready.gov and make a plan today!”

If you were hoping this witty post was accompanied by a gif of an animated leonine Jeremy Irons singing Be Prepared, boy do we have some exciting news for you. Hopefully this is but the first in a whole series of public information posts featuring queer-coded Disney villains, like maybe Ursula could admonish us that only poor unfortunate souls put plastic containers with food waste on them in city recycling bins.

One Awesome Thing in ALX

We spend so much of the summer feeling like we’re living in Beelzebub’s ass crack that when the weather is actually pleasant it can be hard to know what to do with yourself. It turns out there’s a place you can go to enjoy the fresh air and gentle breeze—people are calling it “outside,” and it’s catching on in a big way. And did you know that one of the best parts of “outside” is actually in Alexandria? The Holmes Run Trail is an unsung treasure whose awesomeness deserves to be appreciated far more widely. This shady path is where kids learn to ride bikes, runners stretch their legs, dogs host informal meet-and-greets, and condo dwellers do burpees with enviable dedication. It’s where you might spot older people fly fishing under a bridge or kids smoking whatever kids smoke these days under the same bridge. Truly, a place for all generations.

But Holmes Run Trail isn’t just a place to exercise or participate in age-old traditions of teenage delincuency—it’s the spine that connects the West End community. It links homes, schools, parks, grocery stores, libraries, and even the two rec centers on this side of town, meaning you can dispatch your children on independent activities and errands instead of letting them complete the final phase of their evolution into basement goblins. It’s a third space that belongs to everyone, whether you’re commuting by bike, wheeling a stroller, skating, or just confusing everyone by leaving rubber duckies at random locations. 

Yes, the trail could use some love—repair work from the 2018/2019 flooding events is somehow STILL ONGOING, the deer are a little overzealous in their landscaping efforts, and some invasive plant species are, uh, invading. But that’s all the more reason to get out there and support efforts to keep the trail safe and thriving. When you can travel the length of the West End while only having to cross one street—and wave to at least three neighbors and a beaver along the way—that’s something worth protecting.

You can follow Becky @beckyhammer.bsky.social and Jesse @oconnell.bsky.social on Bluesky, or you can e-mail us anytime at alxtranewsletter@gmail.com.

ALXtra is a free-to-read newsletter about current events in Alexandria, Virginia. Subscribe to get it delivered directly to your inbox. Paid subscriptions give you access to the comments. Revenue from subscriptions gets used in the following ways: 1) a third goes into a charity fund, and every time that fund hits $500 we’ll make a donation to a local charity in the name of ALXtra’s readers and we’ll feature and write about that organization, like we did here, here, here, and here; 2) another third of the money will go toward investments in the newsletter; and 3) the final third of the money goes toward self-care for your two intrepid authors.