Trial by Firehouse

Gooooooood morning Alexandria! How we all doing? Everyone feeling good? Everyone feeling rested and relaxed, having eased into the new year with a few weeks of low-drama ramp up? Yeah? No? Why’s everyone looking at us like that? Is there—is there something in our teeth? [Looks around in confusion] Why do you all look like a cross between Doc Brown after he electrocuted himself and the ACK! lady from the comics? Did we… what did we miss [quickly scans headlines] oh, ok wow.

Yeah sure that’s a big deal, but we can’t really see ho—

Oh damn, a whole-ass election with a debate in just one week yeah we can see ho—

Well, that’s pretty great and it’s understandable tha—

JESUS, HOW MANY THINGS CAN HAPPEN IN ONE GODDAMN WEEK?!?

Ok, fine, we get it—you made your point. Everyone in the city looks an extra in The Walking Dead because the last week has been a whole entire damn year, and it doesn’t look like it’s slowing down anytime soon. Welcome to 2026 Alexandria: hold onto your butts.

Everything started last Wednesday (January 7th) when state senator Adam Ebbin (SD-39) resigned to join the incoming Spanberger Administration, accepting a role to lead the implementation of the commonwealth’s new regulated retail marketplace for cannabis. While it’s high time that someone blazed a path through the weeds of an issue as bluntly important as marijuana legalization, this decision by Sen. Ebbin immediately started knocking over a series of local dominoes that show no sign of stopping. It started with Delegate Elizabeth Bennett-Parker (HD-5) announcing her intention to run for the vacated SD-39 seat, joined in the race shortly thereafter by former Vice Mayor Amy Jackson, community leader and non-profit executive Charles Sumpter, and former Delegate Mark Levine.

So far, so Alexandria. We’re a city full of capable and civic minded people that want to run for office, and we’re a city that just absolutely adores voting. But what we just dealt with wasn’t voting. This was pumped up voting. This was voting on steroids. This was voting asking if you want to know the terrifying truth or if you’d rather see voting sock a few dingers. This was a firehouse primary.

A firehouse primary, also called an unassembled caucus, is a process run by local political parties and is typically used when an election necessitates an extremely compressed timeline. In this case, state law required that the Democratic party nomination process take place within five days of the writ of election being issued. Would Alexandria have chosen that timeline on our own? Of course not—we’re voting sickos but we’re not that deranged. Firehouse primaries are a LOT of work, all of which fell to the unpaid volunteers of the Alexandria Democratic Committee (ADC).

Let’s actually pause and talk for a second about the ADC. Our original plan for this essay when we outlined it a couple weeks ago was to talk all about the ADC—who they are, what they do, what they aren’t, why they’re so important, etc. We thought it would be a good topic to go a little deeper on, and it was a little news-y what with their January 5th reorganization and new leadership following the end of Sandy Marks’ incomparable run as chair. Well as it turns out, we didn’t need to write about the ADC because they just spent a week showing everyone how essential they are. The entire firehouse primary was volunteer-run, from lining up polling locations, to staffing them, then counting votes; the latter of which took six hours to do by hand and involved four tellers touching each of the 4,647 paper ballots twice, ensuring each ballot got touched 8 times, leading to a total of 37,176 touches [Editor’s note: stop saying touching]. It was a tremendous amount of work, faithfully done—and their reward is to do it all again next week.

That’s right, next week! We got sidetracked in our recap of the last seven days, but after Elizabeth Bennett-Parker (EBP if you’re nasty) won the primary with a gobsmacking 70% of the vote, advancing to the Feb. 10 general election against a Republican candidate whose name we’re just simply not going to spend too much effort to learn or remember [Editor’s note: it’s Julie Robben Lineberry], she announced her own resignation from her current seat in the legislature, to allow for the HD-5 special election to also take place on Feb. 10. Got all that? Good. We don’t, and we wrote it.

As of now, it seems probable that we will have another firehouse primary early next week to pick a nominee for the HD-5 race. Current City Council Member and local podcast host Kirk McPike has already declared for the seat, as has former School Board Member and Clinton Administration official Eileen Cassidy Rivera. There will likely be more candidates that declare by the deadline, but you’ll have to come back and tell us who they are in the comments.

Our cavalcade of special elections may very well not end here—depending on upcoming results it’s entirely possible there could be a special election to fill a council seat, and depending on how that goes there could theoretically be a special election to fill a school board seat! We’re seriously thinking about ordering dry erase yard signs to make our lives easier, just scrub it clean and write a different candidate name on it every week, week and a half.

Okay the dry erase signs thing is a joke [Editor’s note: no it isn’t] but what’s not a joke is what a strain all this is on Alexandria. To start, it costs our city about $120,000 per election. Given our budget’s current status of ten pounds of priorities in a five pound bag, it’s no small thing to absorb these costs. As we covered above, it’s a huge demand on volunteers and voters alike—most residents didn’t vote at their typical polling place and many were unable to participate at all due to existing obligations and the very short notice of the primary election. Confusing and unexpected processes with high stakes also put a real strain on public trust, and there was no shortage of wild takes and conspiracies this past week, especially on local social media. It turned out that this election, like the show everyone’s watching right now, was a “heated rivalry” in the sense that some people used it as an opportunity to show their entire ass. But for real, just because many of those conspiracy theories were very, very silly doesn’t change the effect they have on the civic mood and the way that people engage with these processes in the future.

Because as overwhelming as all of this feels right now, elections—and especially local elections—should be exciting and even kind of fun. We’re choosing new people to represent us! Some of whom are our friends and neighbors!! And they don’t have to watch their bills get vetoed by Glenn Youngkin!!! So as it all plays out, let’s try to view the process as more energizing than exhausting and more inspirational than insidious. 2026 is shaping up to be a big year, and this is only the beginning.

Things You May Have Missed Because You Have a Life 

• We don’t have a Hottest Club segment this week (we’ve got a fun new feature for you instead, more on that below!) so let us officially state here for the record that Alexandria’s hottest club last week was the DASH birthday party bus. We love everything about this story and are inspired to try chartering our own city vehicles for social events. Dump truck date night! Snowplow team building exercise! Firetruck al fresco dining! The possibilities are endless!!
• On the other hand, a thing we definitely do not love is that Del Ray record store Crooked Beat flooded last weekend due to a burst water pipe. People immediately offered to help the store’s owners find legal representation, contributed via a GoFundMe and merch fundraiser, and donated folding tables so records could be spread out to dry—the shop’s fate is currently uncertain but we hope the community’s support helps it recover quickly.
• The Netflix “Queer Eye” reboot just released promo images for its upcoming tenth season, which was partially filmed in Alexandria, and one of them features the group on the rainbow crosswalk in front of City Hall. We hope they went inside the building after the photo shoot to provide some tips for redecorating after the renovations because that 19th century upholstery is not doing you any favors, girl.
• Our School Board has launched a new website—distinct from the ACPS district website—that is meant to provide insight and transparency into the work and decisionmaking processes of the board. This is easily the best thing a School Board member has done since Ryan taught Jesse how to play pickleball.
• Somebody bought a winning lottery ticket worth $1 million at the Del Ray 7-Eleven and, according to a recent conversation with an employee [Editor’s note: journalism, bitches!!!], has not yet claimed their prize. They’d better get on it quick, that thing is worth two chocolate croissants and a matcha latte at Junction!
• According to the New York Post, a woman took a date to District Biscuit Company on Mt. Vernon Ave. where she freaked him out by snorting grits and coffee through her nose. Oh, so this is a “funny human interest story” but when we ask the servers at Pork Barrel to slather our bodies with barbeque sauce so we can ingest it through the skin, that’s “harassment”?? Make it make sense!!

Local Discourse Power Rankings

1. Wonderwhelming (Last week: NR). In only slightly less revolting food-related news, Wonder Food Hall has opened a location in Potomac Yard. If you’re not familiar with the concept, this is a restaurant for people who dare to ask: What if private equity opened a “celebrity chef” ghost kitchen in my neighborhood, but all the food was cooked in New Jersey? Between the chaotically extensive menu and the scathing online reviews, this almost feels like a ploy to make Founding Farmers across the street look like the Inn at Little Washington by comparison. Seriously though, who asked for this? Do the people yearn for soulless takeout windows selling food that would honestly probably taste better if you snorted it? Good luck to anyone choking down Bobby Flay’s microwaved well-done steak this weekend, meanwhile we’ll be over here taking our business to the actual locally-owned restaurants that support our community.
2. Bar Rescue (previous rank: 4).

A TRAGEDY OF FLUES.

Scene: the Del Pepper Community Center. Enter CITY COUNCIL in rolling desk chairs.

NARRATOR:
Alas, fair chamber, chaos fills thy room,
When noble minds do clash o’er fake chimneys!

COUNCILMAN AGUIRRE:
I am vehemently ’gainst these cursed stacks!

He slams the dais. A pen flies. No one retrieves it.

NARRATOR:
The chamber gasps; the echoes bounce in fear.

Enter PUBLIC COMMENTER, Defender of Chimneys.

COMMENTER:
But, sir! These flues are art of highest rank,
The building’s crown, a diadem of stone,
Fit not for use, but purely for delight!

Next, the BOARD OF ARCHITECTURAL REVIEW enters in slow motion, carrying the Holy Brick.

BOARD (in unison):
Heed us, we keepers of the ancient flair!
Have mercy, lords! Preserve the noble shafts!
To scrap them would bring shame to precious George!

NARRATOR:
Cruel fate arrives with spreadsheets in its grip,
Cold numbers drawn like daggers from a sleeve.

Enter JIM PARAJON, wheeling in a pile of budget binders on a ceremonial platform.

MAYOR GASKINS:
Enough of dreams built high on empty stacks.
No plea prevails. The vote is called at last.

Thunder sound effect, though no one knows who queued it.

NARRATOR:
Thus fall the chimneys, destroyed not by storm,
Nor fire’s rage, but taste and tight expense.

A moment of silence is observed for the chimneys.

NARRATOR:

O ducts of stone, tall and non-functional,
Today we lay thy hollow grandeur down.
Let all the town remember well this truth:
E’en false smoke can stir the fiercest flames.

Exeunt all to return home via Justin’s Traffic Jam (Seminary Road).

3. ICE ICE Baby (previous rank: 1). Well, we’re not sure how exactly how to transition out of whatever the fuck that was, so let’s just move on. All the local political hubbub has been a welcome distraction from the national horror show, but unfortunately it’s still pretty bad out there. Following the recent events in Minneapolis, Alexandrians have persisted in their efforts to resist the creep of the fascist police state, attending a protest in Chirilagua last weekend and continuing to contemplate the best way to tell ICE to eat shit without drawing the surgically enhanced eye of Kristi Noem. Will any of this make a difference? We honestly can’t say. But when things feel dark and scary, like they very much do right now, we take a lot of comfort in our community’s determination to protect our neighbors and do what’s right.
4. Good News Only?? (Previous rank: 3). The Zebra recently made the curious choice to announce that its editors plan to use AI-generated images in their articles and social media posts. This has predictably generated a fair amount of pushback on social media, for a few good reasons. First, my “Using AI for Images Isn’t a Crime” headline has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my headline, as they say. Almost like they know they should be embarrassed about this! And second, their stated rationale is that they’re busy people and “the alternative to an AI image is no image.” …Okay? That’s fine! No one needs to see AI slop of Santa flying his sleigh over King Street on a “happy holidays” Facebook post or a zebra in a top hat and no pants displaying his suggestively striped crotch area next to an announcement about the New Year’s Eve fireworks. This doesn’t add anything to the local discourse other than broadcasting that you’re cool with stealing from real artists and undermining our shared understanding of reality. Just do whatever you were doing before! Nobody was mad at you about that!! Listen, we may not be “real” “journalists,” but our readers will never find any of that shit here and that’s a promise.
5. 101 Croatians (Last week: NR). Yesterday morning it was announced that the Croatian national soccer team has selected Alexandria as its home base for the World Cup this summer, and can we just say… WE ARE SO HYPED FOR THIS. Croatia came in third in the last World Cup and second in the one before that, this team is really good! It’s an honor that they chose us!! An article about the announcement quoted one of their managers as saying that Alexandria was the team’s first choice because “everything clicked immediately, including the hospitality we received” and “it provides everything the team needs—top facilities, comfort, and peace.” Hell yeah! Hospitality!!! On that note, we need to learn everything about Croatia so we’re ready to welcome these guys to town. For example, everyone needs to practice the important Croatian diplomatic phrase, “Guza ti izgleda sjajno u tim nogometnim hlačicama” (“your ass looks great in those soccer shorts”). Restaurant/bar owners, you need to get on the phone with your suppliers and order some rakija. That’s just for starters—there’s so much more for us to learn and prepare, we have a lot of questions and not a lot of time. How do you pronounce the name “Joško”? How many cheek kisses are involved in the standard Croatian greeting? Which cheek do you kiss first and what happens if you both accidentally go for the same side and end up kissing on the lips?? We vow to look into this on behalf of our readers, watch this space for updates.

Commissioner Corner

Well it’s our first issue of the new year here at ALXtra and our 69th overall (nice), and since we’re committed to continuous self-improvement [Editor’s note: I’ve seen absolutely no evidence of that] we’re introducing a new segment in which we’ll occasionally interview somebody who’s as much of a local government sicko as we are serving on one of Alexandria’s many boards and commissions. We hope these conversations help people better understand the role these bodies play in our city’s governance structure and maybe even inspire some of our readers to get involved themselves! So without further ado, here’s our first interview, with an absolutely delightful person that all of you should get to know, Environmental Policy Commission chair Marta Schantz.

ALXtra: Marta, thanks so much for doing this with us. Tell us who you are and what commission you’re currently serving on.

Marta: Hi, I’m Marta Schantz, and I serve on the City’s Environmental Policy Commission (EPC). I’ve been on the EPC for 6 years, and this is my second year as Chair.

ALXtra: Explain what that commission does like you’re talking to someone who just moved here from Arlington.

Marta: Alexandria’s city code directs the EPC to “advise and make recommendations to the City Council and, where appropriate, to the Planning Commission and City Manager” on matters relating to: the climate crisis and its effects; clean air; land use; noise pollution; pesticides, herbicides and contaminants; solid waste; water quality and supply; and other topics relating to conservation and environmental protection. Basically, anything environment related, we can voice an opinion to the city and they’ll work with us on it. That’s a big umbrella, so we have 4 ongoing priorities that hone our focus:

• Decarbonize Buildings
• Decarbonize Transportation 
• Resilience/Adapting to Physical Climate Risks (flood, extreme heat)
• Environmental Justice/Climate Equity

Marta (continued): While the EPC doesn’t have actual approval authority, we have policy sway because Alexandria actually cares about climate change. City Council declared a climate emergency back in 2019, and Alexandria has continued to show its commitment to climate action in the establishment of a Climate Action Office (well, after Arlington created one), the publication of the Energy and Climate Change Action Plan, and the (forthcoming!) update of the Green Building Plan.

ALXtra: So you’re like the Planeteers from Captain Planet. Do you guys get rings??

Marta: I wish! Park and Rec Commission has friendship bracelets, which I aspire to make happen. We did get some Eco-City Alexandria temporary tattoos which were sick. 

ALXtra: But seriously, would you be the kid with the green ring or the kid with the red ring.

Marta: Green for Earth! Sometimes I can be heartless (so, not Red), like how I hate birds. 

ALXtra: Interesting. We’ll circle back to the bird thing. Also, for the record, we would be the blue ring kid (because of waterfront flooding, duh). Moving on—why did you decide to get involved in Alexandria local government generally and EPC specifically?

Marta: After Hillary lost the presidential election, I needed to do something. I got involved in the Alexandria Democratic Committee, went to their first available meeting (it was a Resolutions meeting—quite the entrée to local politics), and eventually learned about Boards and Commissions. Dak Hardwick told me about the EPC and the rest is history. 

ALXtra: That’s great that you channeled your post-2016 trauma into something productive. We just channeled ours into drinking problems. Fast-forwarding to the present day, tell us about something the commission tackled last year that you’re proud of.

Marta: The EPC has been working to collaborate across commissions, because a collective voice tends to be stronger. We partnered with the Beautification Commission, Public Health Advisory Commission, and Park and Rec Commission on a letter in support of banning gas-powered leaf blowers. We continued collaborations with the Planning Commission in support of advancing the City’s Green Building Policy. We coordinated climate advocates across the City to rally support for the Office of Climate Action during a tight budget year. 

Marta (continued): And we’re connecting with staff to incorporate sustainability into initiatives across the City—the Housing Master Plan, the Duke Street Land Use Plan, the Flood Resilience Plan, and more. An awesome thing about Alexandria is that the staff are quite progressive, innovative, and cool. So while the EPC pushes for more climate action (like Community Choice Aggregation!), we’re also able to applaud and amplify the work that staff are already doing in Alexandria. We also worked with the City’s new Legislative Director to bolster climate bullets in the city’s legislative priorities, which felt like a win.

ALXtra: And what’s something that you’re working on this year that you think our readers should be paying attention to?

Marta: Don’t sleep on the Flood Resilience Plan! We want it to be a strong document that shapes the future of Alexandria’s flood resilience over the next 75+ years. This plan was recommended in the City’s Energy and Climate Change Action Plan (the one with a really compelling map of heat islands across ALX), and T&ES has been doing a boatload of analysis and community engagement as it gets close to a first draft of the plan. The EPC is especially keen to see what recommendations are suggested to harden city infrastructure against flood risk, both green and gray solutions, both policy-focused and capital-investment focused. 

ALXtra: This city sure does love a plan! As you mentioned earlier, one of the best things about board and commission service is the chance to work with city staff and get to know them better, so go ahead, brag on a city staff member so that other people can hear about the great work they’re doing.

Marta: Yo—have you guys met our Climate Action Officer, Ryan Freed? He’s a passionate and supersmart nerd who knows his shit about all things climate. Utility regulatory policy? Yep. High performance energy-efficient buildings? Yep. Grant-writing? Yep! He understands the constraints of living in a Dillon Rule state and works to problem-solve and find creative policies and programs that advance climate action in ALX. He built the City’s new Climate Action Office and brought together disparate departments across the City to collaborate under the longstanding Eco-City Alexandria banner—but like actually do it, not just talk about it. He’s working on the big wins to scale decarbonization across the city, and it’s awesome. He also decks out his house and fence in LED holiday lights and won recognition from the Rosemont Citizens Association a few years back.

ALXtra: You’ve been made Emperor of Alexandria for the day (there was a special election, congrats). Other than getting rid of birds, what will you do first? Is there a challenge or limitation this commission faces that you’d change or fix?

Marta: Another special election this year?! Okay, well the EPC is a policy advisory commission—it has no actual authority to approve or deny plans. This limits the impact we have on projects across the City. Not to say we haven’t squirreled our influence to improve the environmental sustainability commitments of developments like the Potomac River Generating Site (the old power plant), but it would be really cool for us to say “You are the weakest link, goodbye!” to some developments that have the potential to be incredibly sustainable but really just do the bare minimum, and have some power to push them to innovate and be real sustainability lighthouse projects in the DMV.

ALXtra: So you would grant yourself unlimited power? Got it. Okay, let’s do some silly questions. We happen to know that you’re a big reader of romantasy novels. How is serving on EPC similar to searching for your Fae mate while fulfilling your destiny as the kingdom’s lost heir who possesses a secret power necessary to defeat the evil forces trying to destroy the world?

Marta: LOL. Well, usually there’s magic or at least dragons in romantasy, and the EPC has none of that. What we do have is an uphill battle against a common external misconception that climate action is “too expensive” or “too difficult” or “not important” and the EPC says BULLSHIT TO THAT. We are a group of stand-up human beings, who are stubborn and stay true to our (climate) morals, who fight the bad (fossil fuel) guys, and work hard to save the world (from climate change). And we love it. So that’s the EPC in a nutshell, yeah. 

ALXtra: According to Bluesky, your Merriam-Webster randomly assigned word for 2026 is “potato.” How will you bring the spirit of potato to your work on the commission this year?

Marta: Not to be too starchy about things, but you’re in for a root awakening: the EPC is a mash-terful commission that has so much po(tato)tential to influence environmental policy and climate action in a positive way. We’re not couch potatoes. We are smash-ing business-as-usual mentality, and sprouting progress and impact across all facets of Eco City Alexandria. Just fry and stop us.

ALXtra: All right spud, this has been an excellent conversation, but it’s time to wrap it up. Let’s close out with one final question, what’s your favorite energy-efficient appliance?

Marta: HEAT PUMPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One Awesome Thing in ALX

As this issue makes pretty clear, we’re finding the start of 2026 to be a bit overwhelming so far. But this year has also brought us one bright spot of pure unadulterated joy: the story about Del Ray resident Lily Youngblood setting a kids world record for the longest time continuously jumping on a pogo stick. We don’t have a lot to say about this other than that we love it so freaking much. She set the record just three days after learning how to jump on a pogo stick for the first time! That is genuinely impressive!! The article is full of quotes from Lily explaining that once she puts her mind to something, she has to do it, which is an amazing energy that we can only dream of emulating. 

This story has inspired us to think about breaking a world record of our own. The Guinness World Records website list of recent accomplishments provides some intriguing possibilities—fastest motorized trash bin, largest knitted diorama, and most matches stuck up one’s nostrils all seem achievable. But since we have a lot going on right now we’ll probably just stick to our current record-holding distinction, world’s most long-winded and profanity-laced newsletter about Alexandria, Virginia. At least we know we have that one in the bag.

You can follow Becky @beckyhammer.bsky.social and Jesse @oconnell.bsky.social on Bluesky, or you can e-mail us anytime at alxtranewsletter@gmail.com.

ALXtra is a free-to-read newsletter about current events in Alexandria, Virginia. Subscribe to get it delivered directly to your inbox. Paid subscriptions give you access to the comments. Revenue from subscriptions gets used in the following ways: 1) a third goes into a charity fund, and every time that fund hits $500 we’ll make a donation to a local charity in the name of ALXtra’s readers and we’ll feature and write about that organization, like we did here, here, here, here and here; 2) another third of the money will go toward investments in the newsletter; and 3) the final third of the money goes toward self-care for your two intrepid authors.