Wellness Check

By most measures, it’s not been the best year for public health. The current administration has turned national health leadership over to a man who looks like he just got out a tanning bed on the “beef jerky” setting and believes stuff like rubbing a crystal on your belly button lets you absorb the lifeforce from eating a live chipmunk. He’s also fired or undermined the people in charge of vaccine policy, preventative health standards, and research into all manner of chronic diseases. Elsewhere in the federal government we’ve seen rollbacks on standards that protect our air and water quality, as well as rules that keep nutritious things like poop and sharp metal shavings out of our food supply.

It’s not just the government—if you’ve spent any time scrolling the algorithm’s suggestions in your social media feed (or the chum boxes at the bottom of any website) you’re seeing an endless stream of ads for various quack health remedies; tonics and gummies and powders and supplements all guaranteed to make you ripped and sharpen your mental acuity and slow your aging process. Many of these—especially the ones hawked by the constellation of right-wing grifter podcasts—are shameless enough to make a literal snake-oil salesman blush, but don’t worry, we know they’re safe and effective because RFK Jr. personally takes all of them (at once).

What this all adds up to is resources meant to keep us safe and healthy being stripped away even as we are confronted with a rising tide of threats to our health. Which makes us incredibly lucky here in Alexandria to have local public health officials who remain laser-focused on understanding the health status of our community and intervening with supports that address the underlying social determinants of health in a lasting and sustainable way, as outlined in the recent 2025 City of Alexandria State of Health Report.

It’s a great report and you should really find some time to click through and read some or all of it, as there are interesting findings and insights throughout. The topline takeaway is that in general our city is healthier on average than the rest of the commonwealth and many national measures, but these positive health outcomes are not distributed evenly and we can observe significant disparities between neighborhoods. There are maps throughout the report that illustrate factors like healthcare access, educational access, people living with chronic conditions and more; and while they are each a different map, as vice mayor Sarah Bagley recently observed—they’re all also kind of the same map.

It’s certainly not a novel finding that race, gender, economic status, and other characteristics are all correlated with health outcomes (this is what experts mean when they talk about social determinants of health), so yes, demographic maps are often likely to look the same as health maps. The compelling opportunity here is the use of these maps to develop health plans that are specific to particular neighborhoods. Previously, Alexandria’s health plans have laid out strategies for addressing issues at a citywide level; the last one focused on housing, mental health, and poverty. This time around, the health department will use the data from this report to develop an implementation plan that tackles Arlandria-specific issues, Landmark/Van Dorn-specific issues, and mental health across all neighborhoods in the city.

We are not alone in this kind of approach, as other cities have also started to use geography as a way to deliver health services and target outcomes (longtime readers know we love it when Alexandria steals respectfully emulates our municipal peers!). Examples include the Diabetes Impact Project in Indianapolis, Health Equity Zones (HEZ) in Rhode Island, and Healthy Chicago Zones in, uh, Chicago. Each of these efforts are guided by a topline health goal yet pursue interventions and impact at the community level, recognizing that what works in one neighborhood might not be right for another.

So read the report. Maybe even get involved. It’s important to pay attention and support the city’s efforts if we don’t want to wake up in a future where the only public health guidance left is an HHS-funded TikTok influencer yelling at us to eat more wolfberries and “stay hydrated, kings.” Because it seems more and more like those are the two options—trusting the data and the people who know how to read maps, or going all-in on the guy at the farmer’s market selling lung detox juice out of a gas can. Personally, we’re rooting for the maps.

Things You May Have Missed Because You Have a Life

• Last issue we shared about Mayor Gaskins being part of a great New York Times feature on mayors across the country, and now she’s been accepted alongside 47 other mayors from around the world as part of the ninth class of the prestigious Bloomberg Harvard Leadership Initiative. When she’s around all these other mayors do you think she awes them by bragging about our cool new sewer tunnel dug by Hazel the Drill? Bet she does. Bet the mayor of Wichita doesn’t have a cool new sewer tunnel or a Hazel the Drill. Take that, Wichita! 
• The Alexandria Aces wrapped up another fantastic season with a tough loss in the championship series to three-peating Bethesda Big Train, part of an eight-titles-in-nine-seasons run by Bethesda interrupted only by Alexandria’s 2022 championship. We’ve always held a mental image of the average Bethesdan being a lacrosse player in a backwards Abercrombie visor, so congrats on also being excellent at baseball we guess.
• The annual Alexandria sidewalk sale is next weekend! Neither of us is really in the market for a new sidewalk right now but you guys should definitely go check it out.
• Our local Golden Bachelor contestant Nancy Hulkower is back on TV, this time as a cast member on Bachelor in Paradise. What we don’t really understand is why they took Nancy all the way to Costa Rica to film this show when we have paradise right here, every pocket park in this city is basically an overgrown jungle right now. Could have saved themselves some money. Producers, we’re full of good ideas, call us.

Local Discourse Power Rankings

1. Animal Welfare (Last week: NR). There’s absolutely nothing funny about the ongoing animal cruelty investigation into what happened at Your Dog’s Best Friends, but it’s the topic we’ve heard about more than any other in recent weeks so we felt it had to be included here. The situation is very upsetting and has not been helped by the apparent disinterest by the business’s owners in rebuilding trust with their customers and the community. They’re going to need to do something else soon, because issuing a statement that’s the equivalent of the Mariah Carey “I don’t know her” gif is not gonna cut it. The state legislature also needs to continue moving forward on legal reforms that would allow stronger local oversight of grooming and boarding facilities. All that said, as heartbreaking as this story has been, it’s also served as a reminder of how deeply people in this city care about animals and their well-being. If our pets could talk, they’d probably say they’ve never felt more loved.
2. Is Our Children Learning (Last week: NR). Oof! Another heavy topic! What the hell, news cycle, we’re trying to enjoy our summer over here. But okay, let’s talk about this one for a minute too. The Department of Education announced last Friday afternoon—which, as everybody knows, is when you share news that will definitely hold up to public scrutiny—that ACPS and other Northern Virginia schools violated Title IX by letting trans kids use the bathroom that aligns with their gender identity. What can we say about this other than that it’s bullshit? And that all kids deserve to feel safe and supported at school? Look, if the feds want to bully and make an example of Alexandria they should at least do it for a valid reason, like the fact that DASH refuses to run the 103/104 bus between 10am and 3pm, or our neighbors’ pervasive failure to pick up Buy Nothing gifts in a timely fashion. We deserve to be lectured for these things. Just leave the children out of it!
3. Fancy Birds (Last week: NR). Finally!! Here’s some news we can all enjoy!!! Alexandria has been all a-twitter about our newest local celebrity: an outrageously beautiful pigeon living in the King Street Amtrak station. You may be wondering, how can it be that beautiful? Isn’t a pigeon just a glorified sky rat? Well, HERE’S HOW:

Damn. Consider our feathers ruffled. We can understand why everyone is molting with excitement [Editor’s note: please stop] and flocking to the train station [Editor’s note: no one likes it when you do this] to see this icon strutting around the place like it just got back from Paris Fashion Week. Bluesky has been chirping with excitement [Editor’s note: how do these keep getting worse] and a 50-comment thread on Reddit has taken flight as Alexandrians coo over this bird’s undeniable rizz [Editor’s note: fuck it, I quit]. Should we make this delectable dove the new city mascot? Obviously, yes. Slap its picture on the Welcome to Alexandria Est. 1749 signs, print it on the personal property tax bills, let it preside over council meetings. Fancy pigeon runs this town now. 

4. You Idiots Are Doing This Road Wrong Right (Last week: NR). Last week the city cut the ribbon (figuratively speaking, a ribbon across a bike lane sounds like either a safety hazard or the end of the Tour de France) on the new two-way protected cycle track along Mill Road. This filled in a critical missing section of east-west bicycle infrastructure, making it possible to go from anywhere along Holmes Run trail/Eisenhower trail all the way to the King Street transit hub without riding in mixed traffic (once the tunnel under Duke is open). This means that it’s now safer, easier, and less stressful for riders in most of the West End to move across the city (or for riders in eastern parts of the city to pedal their way over to Port City, or like, other more responsible reasons for riding west). We saw multiple posts on social media of people using it and gushing about how great it is, which is really unfair because no one ever gushes about how great it is to drive a car on Glebe Road. Just another example of anti-car media bias, smdh sodh. Between the Mill Road cycle track and the approval of parking spot removal for intersection daylighting near several elementary schools, it’s been a pretty, pretty, prettaaaaaaaaaay good week for the Not Getting Smushed By Cars lobby.
5. FederALEXodus (Last week: 1). The USDA recently announced a relocation of its DC-area offices, a move which could affect as many as 4,600 agency employees. Among the impacted offices is the USDA Food and Nutrition Service, currently housed at Braddock Place in Alexandria. Describing the move as “restoring the department’s core mission of supporting American agriculture” and implying that can only be done if you can see a cornfield out your office window in Kansas City or Fort Collins, we are somewhat concerned that the current Secretary of Agriculture can’t seem to grasp the connection between supporting the provision of food to people who need it and American agriculture being the providers of that food. We are also concerned that this is 800 jobs representing 1% of our total city workforce. And does Fort Collins even have 47 different pizza places, like these employees have become used to?? That’s three concerns! All equally important! 

Alexandria’s Hottest Club Is… Zillow

Everybody loves sneaking a peek into other people’s homes. It’s a universal phenomenon, we all know it exists, it’s why we have things like HGTV and windows. But why are we all such lookie-loos? The Google search AI overview function, which we still aren’t sure how to turn off, says that “People often look into other people’s houses out of curiosity, a desire to understand social dynamics, and even to find inspiration or vicarious enjoyment.” This, like pretty much all answers provided by the AI overview, is incorrect. Obviously we look inside other people’s houses to make fun of them. Fortunately Alexandria has enjoyed an abundance of voyeur-worthy real estate listings in recent years, including this Old Town gem that went viral last week:

This Versailles-inspired townhouse generated a lot of online coverage, including a post on Zillow Gone Wild and a fun Washingtonian explainer about the owner (it involves an abandoned run for mayor of Baltimore, accusations of informing for the feds, and the quote “the only thing FBI about me is that I am ‘For Baltimore’s Interest’”). All of that sounds very fun for Charm City, but Alexandria has the last laugh because this house is ours, bitches!!

The Zillow listing is truly a delight. It starts off with the titillating promise that “every inch tells a story,” that story apparently being A Tale of Two Cities. The listing further notes that the home has achieved two superlative achievements within the Old Town historic district: “first-ever 360-degree view rooftop deck with putting green” and “largest garage door approved and installed at a historic residence,” two phrases guaranteed to give BAR members a stroke. Overall the excessive use of gold accents is giving a dictator chic/Trump Oval Office vibe, and the fact that many of the exterior fixtures are spray-painted plastic (as pointed out by local Instagram commenters) only adds to this impression. As the current owner was quoted as saying, “It is somewhere the current owner of Mar-a-Lago would feel very comfortable living.”

But this listing was not exactly unprecedented—a similar home hit the market back in May, another ornate and historic Old Town stunner with enough bedrooms to house all the Washington Post journalists that have quit in the last seven days. Best of all, it’s currently owned by erstwhile Alexandria mayoral candidate Pete Steverson Steep Peeverson Steve Peterson! When it comes to political hopefuls selling high-end ALX real estate, Steve walked so the Versailles house guy could run (although neither of them could get elected). 

While this particular property may not scream “I Heart Oligarchs,” it does have Gucci wallpaper and a “resort-style pool framed by sleek fire bowls,” for when normal fire pits feel too gauche. So that’s still pretty good. Nonetheless, the house has been sitting on the market for a couple months, leading to multiple price reductions. At the current listed price, if we get [checks math] 1,069,800 new paid subscribers to this newsletter, we can put an offer on it before the end of summer break. ALXtra party house, let’s goooo!!

Speaking of affordable houses we could definitely purchase, Dan Snyder’s $60 million house near Mount Vernon is still on the market. Yes, we know, it’s in Fake Alexandria, but we’re in charge of this newsletter and we can include it if we want to. We never said we were internally consistent! It’s especially fair game since the house is on land once owned by our patron saint George [Redacted] Washington. The listing for this manse asserts that visiting the property will remind you why George once proclaimed, “I had rather be on my farm than emperor of the world,” a normal thing that all presidents say, especially now.

Between the “terraces perfect for fresh air, contemplation, and birdwatching,” the indoor resistance pool, the infrared sauna, the “information and security systems controlled by a central bank of computers,” and the “reproduction of an English colonial boxwood garden,” the buyer of this home can spend their days cosplaying as Tony Stark if he was on Bridgerton. There’s plenty of space for it, as the property is a whopping 16.5 acres. It’s really too bad it’s down in Fairfax County because we’d kill for a chance to Zoning for Housing that bad boy.

Okay, here’s one that’s unquestionably within city limits, and we bet you’ve heard of it!! We spent so long talking about JD Vance living among us that it’s easy to forget how briefly his house’s Zillow listing was active. We didn’t even get a chance to talk about the two full-sized ovens stacked terrifyingly on top of one another or the fact that the shower has a fixed, handheld, and rain showerhead! Sincere apologies if this is making you contemplate JD Vance taking a shower. Please don’t unsubscribe, we were serious about the party house idea.

Going back to the listing, it’s kind of surprising that the Vances let the realtor get away with including woke terminology like “primary suite” instead of insisting on saying MASTER BEDROOM to restore America’s heritage or whatever. Relatedly, what isn’t surprising is that the appliances, trim, and cabinetry are all whiter than a Sydney Sweeney jeans commercial. 

Finally, let’s end on an aspirational note as we present our dream ALX real estate listing: the 7.5-foot-wide Queen Street spite house. It hasn’t changed hands since 1990 so online real estate listings are giving us nothing, and there have only been a handful of photos released in news articles. We need more! Especially since one of your co-authors will never be able to fit inside the building to see it for himself. This is our white whale. Please, put this tiny home on Zillow so we don’t have to stand outside pressing our faces against the windows like Victorian orphans.

Overheard in ALX

From this week’s Alexandria Times:

“An Old Town squirrel savors a Twizzler found on a nearby sidewalk.”

This caption accompanies a picture of said squirrel absolutely housing a Twizzler. This is, no joke, our favorite thing this newspaper has ever done. We want to know so much more about this story. Was this a first-time Twizzler or is this furry little guy a full-blown sugar addict? Did he serendipitously encounter this delicious treat discarded on the sidewalk, or did he swipe it right from the hands of an unsuspecting child? Does he only like the traditional strawberry flavor or does he also get down with Tropical Blast? Does Twizzler Squirrel know the Fancy Train Station Bird?? IS THIS THE START OF THE PLOT TO A PIXAR ANIMATED ADVENTURE???

One Fifteen Awesome Things in ALX

This week rather than feature one great thing happening in our city in depth, we thought we’d hit you with a rapid fire list of a whole bunch of things that are making us happy right now: 

1. Early morning dog walks, before it gets too hot, to look at the crepe myrtles blooming.
2. Sailboats on the Potomac.
3. The wine list at La Fromagerie.
4. Buying hot sauce at the West End farmer’s market.
5. Port City’s lemon ginger radler.
6. The view from the roof of Hotel Heron.
7. Visiting the Eras pop-up bar one last time.
8. Watching the teenage archaeology interns at work on a recent visit to the Archaeology Museum in the Torpedo Factory.
9. Lamb cumin handcut noodles from Xi’an Famous Foods.
10. KPop Demon Hunters (an awesome thing “in ALX” in the sense that it is awesome and we watched it in our homes, which are located in ALX).
11. Local dad band The Derds going on a three block world tour.
12. Getting your knives sharpened at the Four Mile Run farmer’s market.
13. Alexandria turning up in a book you had no idea featured Alexandria.
14. Green beans with pickled cabbage from Chili Wok.
15. Listening to thunderstorm booms while safely indoors.

What did we miss? Tell us what’s on your list!

You can follow Becky @beckyhammer.bsky.social and Jesse @oconnell.bsky.social on Bluesky, or you can e-mail us anytime at alxtranewsletter@gmail.com.

ALXtra is a free-to-read newsletter about current events in Alexandria, Virginia. Subscribe to get it delivered directly to your inbox. Paid subscriptions give you access to the comments. Revenue from subscriptions gets used in the following ways: 1) a third goes into a charity fund, and every time that fund hits $500 we’ll make a donation to a local charity in the name of ALXtra’s readers and we’ll feature and write about that organization, like we did here, here, here, and here; 2) another third of the money will go toward investments in the newsletter; and 3) the final third of the money goes toward self-care for your two intrepid authors.