Pain in the Tech

In the early to mid-aughts there was an indie rock band out of Edinburgh called We Were Promised Jetpacks. They were pretty solid (kind of a “we have Frightened Rabbit at home” sort of thing, if we were going to take this essay in a music criticism direction) but what has stuck with us all this time is not their sound as much as their name. It’s such an evocative sentiment that so neatly captures how we feel about a lot of modern technology. We were promised goddamn jetpacks! The future we’ve collectively envisioned as far back as George Jetson’s gender politics nightmare of a cell-animated robot maid was one of breathtaking advances in transportation, communication, and material convenience. We. Were Promised. Jetpacks. But what we got instead has mostly been Yeti coolers with kewpie doll eyes.

Technology and the role it plays in our lives has been on our minds a lot recently because of (waves hands in every direction at the mountain of AI bullshit all around us) but also because Alexandria recently announced their new Accelerate ALX program, a technology incubator program run out of the Alexandria Economic Development Partnership (AEDP) that aims to use mentorship, training workshops, and access to business networks in the region to foster (and keep) technology startups in the city. It seems like a smart program, and we’re certainly enthusiastic about anything that helps grow the local commercial tax base—but it did get us thinking about what kind of technologies we’d be more (and less) excited to see in the city.

The program has eight technology verticals: AI/machine learning (ugh), cybersecurity (ok fine), defense (please don’t drone us), quantum (Mr. President… is… is that you?), energy (now we’re cooking with gas cutting edge renewables), aerospace (cool), robotics (conditionally cool, please refer to the rolling ice chest clause), and computer services (DMV contracting love language). It goes without saying that companies chosen to participate are just *based* here and not necessarily testing or deploying their technologies within city limits (though it would be metal as hell to see an aerospace company launch a rocket from Oronoco Bay Park), but it’s still a useful thought exercise to consider which technologies we’d be more (and less) interested in seeing in use around town.

Potshots at AI and machine learning aside [Editor’s note: extremely well deserved potshots, you do not have to hand it to Claude here] we see clear benefit from the city embracing technologies that capture large amounts of usage data and then analyze it for patterns that suggest new policy or practice treatments. Things like road usage patterns or bus ridership—areas where having insight at scale lets us do more of what we’re doing well, and adjust in response to gaps or points of failure. We’d also be very excited to see local use of new technologies related to energy generation or distribution. Rep. Beyer has been openly bullish about fusion energy recently, but we’d even just settle for a more wholesale embrace of publicly deployed solar or programs to speed the adoption of home batteries. We’re also enthusiastic about quality of life technologies like apps that display real-time availability of parking spots in city owned lots, or smart traffic light technology that eases congestion and pollution.

We’re… slightly less jazzed about seeing more technology locally that promises convenience at the expense of interacting with people doing actual jobs. Autonomous vehicles (more on this below), food delivery robots (for real, did they make these things look kickable on purpose?? We just want to kick them so bad), and ordering from QR codes in restaurants feel more like annoying gimmicks than The Jetpacks We Were Promised™. We’re also super skeptical of everything you could put under the umbrella of surveillance technology, as the risks and potential for misuse seem to currently outweigh any potential benefits. It’s also worth tackling the tension around the embrace of new technologies that fundamentally rely on computing power backed by data centers. Good, bad, or frivolous—the more we use these programs the more they demand, which means more stories like this proposed data center in Fairfax County, just across the city line from us. Sure the dateline on the story is just “Alexandria” Alexandria now, but it could be Alexandria Alexandria next time—and it’s important for us to start thinking now how we feel about these things, and altering our behavior accordingly.

Alexandria has always been a city of enterprise and innovation, a city that has reinvented itself more than once in our nearly-three centuries. We might be 276 years old but we’re like one of those grandparents that knows how to turn off the motion-smoothing on their tv by all on their own, a Boomer in the streets but a Zoomer in the sheets so to speak. At the end of the day, we want to be a city that takes a chance on new things. We want to be pioneering, we want to be open to testing and trying technologies that improve the lives of residents or deliver city services more efficiently. What we don’t want to be is a sucker—but sometimes that can be the hardest thing to watch out for.

Things You May Have Missed Because You Have a Life 

• Continuing ARHA’s “two steps forward, one step back” trajectory, their interim CEO resigned after just a few months on the job. If any of our readers are interested in applying to fill the role we’ve been told you can send your resume to pleasegodsendussomeonewhocanfixthis@alexandriava.gov. 
• The newly independent Bezos-liberated Capital Weather Gang reported this week that a regional drought watch is now in effect, with officials urging residents to implement extreme conservation measures such as watering their sidewalks only every other day.
• The mystery fiction website CrimeReads published a cool article about all the literary events happening at Elaine’s Restaurant in Old Town.
• A new AWLA program is looking for volunteers to play live music for adoptable pets at the shelter. Some guidelines regarding what the animals want to hear: anything by Snoop Dogg or Doja Cat is good. Bad Bunny, obviously. But be warned, “Dog Days Are Over” is considered kind of rude, “Cat Scratch Fever” is a touchy subject and “Who Let the Dogs Out” is extremely insensitive—the audience members are still in cages, this isn’t the time to sing about somebody else’s freedom, asshole!!
• The Alexandria Aces, our local summer collegiate baseball team, started their season this week. We know these players probably have actual government names but when we look at those kids out there on Frank Mann Field all we see is:

Local Discourse Power Rankings

1. Is Our Children Learning (Last week: 1). In other news about job vacancies that should be super easy to fill, ACPS has launched its search for a new superintendent, with opportunities for residents to weigh in via in-person engagement sessions and an online survey. In order to target the most constructive potential responses, the survey’s first question asks “have you said something mean about ACPS on Facebook more than ten times in the last month” and if you answer yes you get redirected out of the survey and over to an e-commerce site where you’ll be prompted to purchase a zen mindfulness adult coloring book. The search firm’s goal is to select a new superintendent by the time Melanie Kay-Wyatt leaves on October 1, which is [checks notes] less than four months from today. Now that’s what we call optimism!! This new hire will have to contend with a fluid and evolving governance situation, as City Council decided last week to set up an ad-hoc committee to consider structural reforms to the school board. The committee will be formed by two school board members and two council members. People from opposing groups forced to work together in close proximity with tensions running high… does this sound to anyone else like the setup to a rom-com?? At the end of this process we’re going to end up with either a new school board electoral system or the city’s wonkiest polycule.
2. You Idiots Are Doing Mapping This Road Wrong (Previous rank: 4). Autonomous vehicle company Waymo announced that it has started mapping streets in Alexandria as “a catalyst for eventual operations in Northern Virginia” (self-driving cars not currently being street legal in the commonwealth). We’re assuming this is happening because Google execs saw the headlines about how incidences of cars hitting pedestrians are down 14% in Alexandria this year and interpreted that piece of news as a challenge. Mayor Gaskins reportedly responded by telling Waymo, “I have started to see your vehicles locally, so it is helpful to understand more about your approach and future plans,” politician-speak that can be loosely interpreted as “bitch, what?” For our part, what we’d like to say to Waymo is: (1) good luck with King/Quaker/Braddock, lol, and (2) we’re so excited to watch these cars attempt to navigate the safety flexposts that have been controversially proliferating around town. We’ve always been on Team Bollard but if these little white poles manage to confound the Waymo processing system so badly that the cars self-immolate or drive themselves into the river then we don’t care how allegedly ugly they are, we’ll be upgrading our love for them to “ride or die” status (not to be confused with “ride and die,” which is Waymo’s business model). Although we guess we have to consider the possibility that we’re being a little unfair to the robot cars, they’re still better at obeying traffic rules than Maryland drivers.
3. Unnecessarily Aggressive Natural Phenomena (Previous rank: 4). The Alexandria Health Department put out an advisory last week announcing that a raccoon in Potomac Yard had tested positive for rabies and urging residents to be careful around wild animals. (When we were searching for the news release to verify the date, we found a separate story about how two rabid SKUNKS had been found in Alexandria, and we got so excited to make jokes about Pepé Le Pew finding an entirely new way to become problematic until we realized the article was about Alexandria, New York. Other Alexandrias strike again!!!) By our count, we’ve mentioned rabid animals in this newsletter at least 4 times in the last year and a half, which feels like a lot? Is anybody else wondering what in the Old Yeller is going on here? Apparently rabies is endemic in this region, although some studies indicate that it can spread more easily among animals in densely populated urban environments. Oh shit, new BIBA talking point just dropped!! Seriously though, it can be hard to know if an animal is aggressive and drooling because it has the virus or it just wants a bite of your Maman croque monsieur, so be careful out there folks.
4. 101 Croatians (Previous rank: 2). Last week Axios ran an article titled “Alexandria soon to be overrun with Croatian soccer hunks” and we have some follow-up questions. Hypothetically, if someone wanted to be “overrun” by the aforementioned “hunks” in a more tangible, less metaphorical way, where would they want to stand exactly? Can we get more precise with the location? Will the team be using the front door of Hotel AKA or is there a secret back entrance of which we should be aware? Is the soccer field they’re going to use at Episcopal the one that’s visible from Braddock and how close is the fence? Fortunately the team’s actual arrival date is 6/9 (nice) so we still have a few days to figure this out. Remember, if you bat your eyes coquettishly and yell “Heyyy Lukaaaa!!” you’ve got decent odds you’re using the right name (this team is the Oops! All Lukas of international soccer teams).

Commissioner’s Corner

Speaking of DASH, we’re back with another edition of everyone’s favorite new ALXtra section until Becky finally lets us do Neighborhood Wars, that’s right it’s Commissioner’s Corner! This time we’re talking to Praveen Kathpal, a member of the Alexandria Transit Company (DASH Bus) board of directors.

ALXtra: Thanks for joining us! Let’s start with the question everyone is asking: did you join the DASH board (heh, dashboard) because you love public transit, or because singing “Wheels on the Bus” to your kids seven hundred times radicalized you into caring about transportation policy?

Praveen: My kids seriously love riding the bus—really all forms of transit—but not nearly as much as I love going on the bus with them! 

ALXtra: Without looking, what does DASH stand for?

Praveen: This actually came up when I went to transit trivia at Port City a couple months ago. The true sickos know. Luckily there was another DASH board member on my team who was able to win us points for knowing it’s Driving Alexandria Safely Home. I talked a big game going into that trivia night and it would have been pretty embarrassing to come up empty on that question.  

ALXtra: Oooh… so sorry it’s not actually “Driving Alexandria Safely Home”, it is in fact “Did A (Founding Father) Sleep Here” which as we all know is the motto on Alexandria’s city seal.

Praveen: I don’t think that’s right.

ALXtra: Okay relax Alan Colmes, this isn’t the set of Crossfire. Moving on—what percentage of your current board service is budget spreadsheets and coordination with other regional transit authorities, and what percentage is explaining to your friends that no, you personally cannot change the bus routes so they can get a free no-transfer ride to the water park?

Praveen: I’ll be honest, I came into the DASH board expecting to mainly hear about bus routes and the bus fleet. It’s a bus company! There’s plenty of that, and I’ve appreciated also getting to dig into the other big issues any organization has to deal with: attracting and retaining talent, budgeting and capital planning, community engagement, etc. It’s definitely been fun to see how DASH partners with so many other great organizations like Liberty’s Promise and Kids’ First Years, shows up at local events like WorldPride last year, and celebrates our community with stunning bus wraps to celebrate Black History Month, Women’s History Month... really, all the months. So many months. 

ALXtra: Between going fare-free and breaking all kinds of ridership records, DASH has had a pretty remarkable few years. But this is a tough time to be a publicly funded transit agency. What’s the biggest challenge the board is grappling with right now besides people refusing to move to the back of the goddamn bus after they board?

Praveen: Well first of all, thanks to DASH being fare-free, people should know that they can board through the rear door. But yeah, it’s tough out there for a public transit agency. DASH was already struggling to fund fleet replacements to keep buses in a “state of good repair,” which is transit speak for “not 20 years old and breaking all the damn time.” It helped when there was grant funding for the transition to electric buses but that has dried up considerably. Meanwhile buying and maintaining those buses has gotten more expensive. Throw in the increasing costs of fuel and labor... It’s amazing that the team can still deliver a great service for the city. 

ALXtra: If our online stalking diligent research is correct, this isn’t the first local board or commission you’ve served on. What’s kept you coming back?

Praveen: Guilty as charged. Board and commissions are a great way to serve our community, meet new people, and channel that Big Extracurricular Energy so many people move here with! After I joined the Environmental Policy Commission in 2016 we helped Council adopt the city’s first greenhouse gas reduction goals.  It felt like a policy choice that would guide a lot of city decisions—related to our energy supply, electric cars, land use, transit, bike infrastructure, and more. After the EPC I joined the task force that city staff set up to figure out which actions would meet the policy goals. One of the actions was to electrify the DASH bus fleet, so I joined the DASH board to help keep people focused on that issue. 

ALXtra: Is there something you’ve learned over the years that would be helpful to share with someone that is thinking about applying to a board for the first time?

Praveen: When I first reached out to Jim Kapsis, who was chair of the EPC when I applied, he told me that if I learned what authority the city and the scope this specific commission had (and, importantly, didn’t have), then I would be a more effective commissioner. You can’t come into a role like this and start proclaiming that we should ban this or tax that. Dillon and his rule will get you every time. 

ALXtra: You’re frequently spotted hanging out at the unofficial ALXtra newsroom, Gustave Boulangerie in Del Ray. Which French pastry best represents DASH or Alexandria transit policy more generally?

Praveen: OMG have you had their mini beignets?? I would never order a full-size beignet but when they’re mini, who says no? Just like when the wait time for the next bus is short enough you’ll always choose transit instead of driving. Basically I’m using your whimsical pastry question as an opening to talk about how in transit policy, increased frequency is associated with induced demand. DASH actually has a new strategic goal about increasing ridership among “choice riders”—people who would otherwise drive. There’s pretty good evidence that you can achieve modal shift with high permanence by implementing 12-minute headways, according to this guy on Bluesky. But I digress. Try the mini beignets.

ALXtra: Final question. You’re appointed Alexandria Transit Czar with unlimited powers. What’s the first decree you issue and why is it “everyone has to say thank you to the bus driver”?

Praveen: This is easy! We would have a Del Ray to Old Town party bus from Mount Vernon Avenue to Market Square. It would run Friday and Saturday, every 12 minutes from 4pm until the bars closed.

ALXtra: [Eyes welling up with tears of appreciation] You really do get us man.

Overheard in ALX

Spotted on Bluesky recently:

We love this because (a) she’s beautiful, (b) she can’t get rabies and (c) she’s giving Jesse a much-needed break from being the only local resident referred to as “the Del Ray turkey.”

One Awesome Thing in ALX

We have often found ourselves explaining to out-of-town friends (especially the ones that live in New York) that DC is lowkey a great theater town. Between the touring productions at the Kennedy Center (RIP), the pre-Broadway shakeout runs of shows that come to the National Theatre, Warner Theatre, or Arena Stage, avant-garde troupes like Woolly Mammoth, and everything Shakespeare Theatre Company does, DC absolutely punches above its weight and its reputation when it comes to treading the boards. So believe us when we say we’re excited to share that it’s not just DC, Alexandria has also been crushing it on the local theater front recently, especially on the children’s theater front!

Momentum Collective—a youth arts education organization—recently staged a production of Little Shop of Horrors featuring a cast of 50 young performers from across the city that we probably could have run as an Alexandria’s Hottest Club item given how many families we knew that were either part of the production or attending it to see their friends and classmates in it.

It’s not just Momentum Collective either. Little Theatre of Alexandria has great shows for all ages, alongside excellent opportunities for kids to participate in productions. One of the nicest things about these kinds of youth theater programs is that they give all kinds of kids a place to build confidence, make friends, and discover talents they might not otherwise know they have. They also give the rest of us a chance to come together and do the second most fun thing you can do in a dark room where phones are prohibited. The organizations making these experiences possible are doing real community-building work, and they deserve packed audiences and enthusiastic support. So the next time the curtain rises on one of these shows, make sure to get out there and buy a ticket!

You can follow Becky @beckyhammer.bsky.social and Jesse @oconnell.bsky.social on Bluesky, or you can e-mail us anytime at alxtranewsletter@gmail.com.

ALXtra is a free-to-read newsletter about current events in Alexandria, Virginia. Subscribe to get it delivered directly to your inbox. Paid subscriptions give you access to the comments. Revenue from subscriptions gets used in the following ways: 1) a third goes into a charity fund, and every time that fund hits $500 we’ll make a donation to a local nonprofit in the name of ALXtra’s readers and we’ll feature and write about that organization, like we did here, here, here, here, here and here; 2) another third of the money will go toward investments in the newsletter; and 3) the final third of the money goes toward self-care for your two intrepid authors.